Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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