I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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