Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
