i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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