Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
