i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize