Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
