Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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