my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
