He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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