Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
