So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
