actually, I'm a sock model
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
