can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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