tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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