Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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