I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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