The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
