you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
