i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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