If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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