Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
