Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
