if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
