i can't believe i had my finger in that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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