it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
