I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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