i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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