bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
