I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize