i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
