I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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