Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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