he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
