don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
