If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
