I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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