Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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