She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
