I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
