Too much gin, very little bucket
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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