Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
