Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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