Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
