doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk is a universal language darling
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
