i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
