dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize