the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
