if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
