just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
