he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
