just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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