tequila makes me forget i have legs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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