Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
