so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
