I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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