His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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