Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
