it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
