I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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