Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
