her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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