I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
