that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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