Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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