does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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