I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can you bring me the toilet please
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
