People in love make me want to vomit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
