Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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