but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
