She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize