I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
