Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
