got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize