i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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