i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize