hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
