I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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