saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
