New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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