i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
