i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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