Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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