sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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