I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
