the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
