A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
