It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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