I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
