What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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