yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
