its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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