im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
