And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didn't shave. On purpose
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
