I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you still have your period?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize