i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
