I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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