I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
