please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize