how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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