Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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