So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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