i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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