I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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