yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
