We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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