This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
