he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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