mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
