If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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