it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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