i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
